I raised three boys and two girls. By the time I got to teenager number four, my third boy, I learned not to sweat the small stuff. Whenever we got that call, I asked the essential questions: Is anyone dead? Is anyone in the hospital? in jail? pregnant? So it's just property damage? We can deal with that. (You didn't really want that letterman's jacket, did you?)
Seriously, having a kid (or two or three) who is vegan is no big deal. In fact, I love a puzzle and I love making foods that all of my family will enjoy - the vegans, mostly vegans, the picky eaters and the carnivores. I learned from the best, my good friend and mentor Cheryl. Cheryl was raised on a dairy farm in Wisconsin and loved putting on family spreads and organizing potlucks. Then her husband decided to become a vegetarian - actually a pescetarian, because he ate fish. (Good thing, since they soon moved to the Pacific Northwest.)
Cheryl switched into high gear, designing holiday meals and everyday dinners that made all of her family and guests happy. Planning menus was her fantasy football. She just added extra side dish that her husband would enjoy. Of course, once in awhile she and I would sneak out for lunch and eat meat.
So when our oldest son told us he was joining his fiance as a vegetarian, it was no big deal. And I was able to plan a holiday menu without much fuss; I just made sure there was plenty of Potatoes Au Gratin oozing with cheese. "At least you're not vegan. I don't know if I could deal with that."
And, of course, that was the next step. Then one of my daughters became a (somewhat less strict) vegan. But by then I'd learned a few things.
It's not about me. Becoming a vegetarian or vegan is not a rejection of the way I raised them; it's merely a food choice. I've always tried to respect that choice, just like Cheryl. And accommodate them by adding extra side dishes at family meals. (Of course, it helped that I miss them so much since they moved to Malaysia. When they do visit on vacation, the last thing I want to do is fuss at them about meat.)
Respect is a two-way street. I respect their choices, and they respect mine. They have never asked that we not serve meat.
They'll live without meat. Cultures around the world restrict their diets in some way for cultural, religious and health reasons. Hindus don't eat beef. Buddhist monks are vegetarians. Observant Jews don't eat pork or shell fish. My favorite doctors and the hospital where I delivered my babies were Seventh-day Adventists, U.S. pioneers of vegetarianism - and among the longest-living people in the country.
If they're adults, respect their privacy and choices. If it's your minor child who wants to explore a vegetarian diet, make sure they understand nutrition. Our second son announced one day that he was interested in becoming a vegetarian. As it happened, we were eating at Cheryl's house that day, so he had a long talk with her husband. He asked good questions and listened thoughtfully. Then, on the way home, we saw a deer grazing next to the highway. "When I grow up," he announced, "that's the kind of deer I'm going to shoot." Needless to say, his vegetarian experience lasted about 24 hours. (Good thing, since I don't imagine the Marines have a wide variety of vegan MRE's.)
Tofurky is terrible. Don't serve it. Really. One Thanksgiving our oldest son bought one and we respectfully tried it. That was the last time we served "pretend meat." Seriously, if you're going to choose to go without meat, why eat food made to resemble what you're giving up? Especially when there are so many wonderful vegetable, legume and grain dishes to choose from.
Most of the meat, cheese and egg substitutes are considerably more expensive than the foods they are intended to replace. Many of them are made of soy, and I am suspicious of a diet that contains too much of it. Nuts, wild rice, vegetable medleys and mushrooms all are acceptable alternatives, which can be enjoyed even by carnivores.
Look beyond "American" foods. Having grown up in Los Angeles and lived in different countries, we appreciate ethnic cuisine. We don't expect every meal to include a protein, starch and vegetable. This weekend our daughter and husband were visiting. For a quick dinner, I made a taco bar. I tore some cilantro into a can of black beans and heated it in the double boiler. She put that on her taco in place of meat, and could eat the rest of the fixings.
Let them cook. I know, this is hard. As a mom, it's part of our job description to feed our kids - no matter what their age. But do let them contribute to family meals. And you might just learn something.
Keep an eye on this blog. I'll continue to share both vegetarian and carnivore meals. Watching football? Serve Vegetarian Chili. Wild Rice makes a great holiday side. I promise to share more recipes for all occasions.
And relax. It's not the end of the world.
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